Hate that dreaded “LOW BATTERY” warning that always seems to pop up on your laptop at the most inconvenient times? We do too. But you don’t have to be a slave to electricity. Here are a few tips to help extend the life of your battery:
TIP #1: TURN YOUR LAPTOP OFF AND GO THE HELL OUTSIDE. Works like magic! When you come back in 3 hours, your laptop battery will still be full, and you’ll have taken the first brave step towards battling your painful RSS addiction.
TIP #2: TURN YOUR SCREEN OFF AND JUST USE THE LAPTOP BLINDLY. The screen is one of the most power-hungry parts of the laptop. By turning your screen off, or lowering brightness by 100%, you will gain several precious moments of power.
TIP #3: CHANGE THE POWER SETTINGS SO THE COMPUTER POWERS DOWN AFTER 30 SECONDS OF INACTIVITY. Sure, it’s an inconvenience, but then again this article isn’t titled “5 Ways To CONVENIENTLY Make Your Laptop Battery Last Longer.”
TIP #4: USE DISC DRIVE AS A BEVERAGE HOLDER. Disc drives are a huge drain on resources, with all that “checking to see if there is a disc or not” bullshit that computers do. Nip that problem in the bud by hitting eject - and using your disc drive as a handy tray to hold your beverage of choice.
TIP #5: STOP WATCHING PORN VIDEOS, AND READ EROTICA INSTEAD, YOU PERVERTS. Heavy graphics cause the largest drain on your battery. Trade those pesky dirty videos in for simple black and white text and watch your, uh, battery life go up.